Now I know as an unskilled laborer this is a commen complaint. I know I get paid exceptionally well for the bullshit I do. I know many a person out there would love to have my job.

I don't care. I am at work and I feel like complaining. So I will.

What do I do? I answer phones. Who do I answer phones for? Anyone willing to pay the exorbitant amount of money my employer asks for. I take calls on subjects ranging from selling your house at a criminally low rate to some scheister who will probably make double the amount he bought it for when he resells it, to making an appointment with your local chiropractor and no I don't know what a DRX machine is, no I can't tell you if there is a red chevy parked out front no I don't know why the rash on your left side burns every time you take a dump!

And don't even get me started on the Florida Department of Children and Families calls we take. News flash people: Just because you reach a live individual does not mean we can help you. Just becuase you ask the question 8 different ways does not mean we will "slip up" and answer you. Just because you refuse to hang up the phone does not mean I will miraculously glean some bit of knowledge on why your WIC check hasn't shown up yet (which incidentally is a DOH problem not DCF). What I will do is transfer you or hang up on you. I am the WEB APPLICATION HELP DESK. IF you have a question about the web application I can help you. That is it. I don't have any other information no matter how much you think I'm lying to you.

However my favorite, I mean my absolute favorite is the call I'm about to describe to you.

My roommate (Ric, we work together) is talking to one of our perspective soul sucking maggots (read customer) and while offering to send her some information he coughs...because he's sick. The lady becomes audibly agitated and ends the call. He thinks nothing of it. The day moves on.

Several minutes later she calls back...and refuses to speak with anyone but Ric. So the call is transferred. This conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Yes, Ric?"

"Yes Ma'am"

"Yes...earlier when you coughed in my ear...that really hurt and you put a demon in my ear. I need you to pray to your god that he remove that evil from my ear."

"Ummm...Ma'am I don't really feel this is an appropriate buisness conversation."

"You need to pray to whatever God you believe in that he remove this demon."

"Ma'am I don't feel comfortable with that and this is a business line. I'm sorry that you feel that way and I'd be happy to let you speak with a supervisor but I'm not comfortable with this conversation."

Madam Wack Job continues to persue her request of a prayer for healing from the ear mite of demons before Ric manages to pass the call off to a supervisor who eventually resolves the issue, though not through prayer.

Ric was far more composed than I would have been in my current state of job satisfaction....